Samstag, 4. September 2010

Black Metal Essentials Part 3


No, Dimmu Borgir aren't transgressing the so-called spirit of black metal. Black metal is all about transgression, asshole. Also, there is no musical style that can be called true black metal. Black metal is merely an idea. Dimmu Borgir are just pushing that idea to a higher musical level than all the underground shit bands stuck in 1994. Goddamn, pull your head out of your ass and take a look around, retards. Recording your music on a voice recorder is neither evil, nor is it an awe-inspiring demonstration of perseverance. It's just stubborn and pitiful, and it's what I call selling out. You're being a puritanical, spineless petit bourgeois full of self-deception and bullshit. I bet you wear leather cuffs because you think it makes you look badass like a viking (no, it makes you look indescribably ridiculous) and have never tasted a pussy, you fun-hating, inhibited loser. To reject art for ideological reasons is the most blatant proof of narrow-mindedness and angst. Triple fuck you and go choke on a dick.

As for DEATH CULT ARMAGEDDON, it's simply the apotheosis of pitch black bombast. It's mind-blowing, orgasmic, total fucking darkness. The decadence of the Roman Empire, Dresden 1945, dark medieval times, the Book of Revelation, the Third Nuclear World War and post-apocalyptic android battles happening all at once and put into music. DEATH CULT ARMAGEDDON is the closest music can come to perfection. I can't imagine anything surpassing this album. If I should ever find something greater, I without much doubt won't survive the greatness of it.

Satyricon – VOLCANO (2002)

In 1999, Satyricon fucked their fans in the ass with the groundbreaking REBEL EXTRAVAGANZA and thus paved the way for the return of Thorns (which was, essentially, not more than a re-recording of REBEL EXTRAVAGANZA) and, as a band, evolved from shit to badass. Satyr and Frost then thought 'Why stop here?' and released VOLCANO three years later, a coarse, pissed off hybrid of black metal, industrial and rock'n'roll, which had a scene impact similar to Entombed back in the days, with the slight difference that Entombed sucked ass and Satyricon fucking rock. This album sounds like a furious black metal steamroller cut loose – or a stream of black lava, drifting down the mountainside, black lava you can't stop ("Black Lava"). It's purged of all capriciousness, marked down to the absolutely essential, and therein lies its irrepressible power. The mercilessly straightforward song structures and odd poetics make Satyricon seem like a rigorously elaborated version of classic Darkthrone. A milestone of contemporary black metal, that can not even be altered by the picture of Satyr in the booklet on which he looks like a depressive version of Boy George.

This is an album after which you stop recording music, at least for a long, long while, unless you have the balls to try something completely different next time. Satyricon went for neither of these options. They chose to become predictable and thus boring. I hate it so fucking much when great bands destroy themselves slowly instead of just stopping or going down in flames. I'm just relieved Satyricon finally went on hiatus.

Aura Noir – HADES RISE (2008)

This is a great muddy little gem, terribly underrated and awesome. Noone seems to care about Aura Noir, but do they fucking care? No, they just get dead drunk and play black thrash'n'roll. They're the Motörhead of black metal, fast, dirty, ugly and rocking hard. HADES RISE smells of beer, sweat, balls and metal. Aura Noir probably have the biggest coks of all the bands in this list. All hail.

Black Metal Essentials - Part 1

Black Metal Essentials - Part 2

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